We are moving my parents to a retirement community next week. If you had told me this was happening even just five weeks ago, I would’ve said you don’t know my mom and that there was zero chance she would agree to it.
It started with a visit to Greenspring Senior Living Community on the downlow with my sisters on July 11. We were concerned about my mom’s stress level and exhaustion in caring for our dad and the house, and we just wanted to collect some intel for the future.
Discussing moving out of the three-story townhome they bought in 1972 had always been a non-starter; “I’m not leaving my home,” were her exact words, delivered with a cold tone and closed expression from our otherwise warm and effusive mom.
As my sisters and I toured the facility and learned of the financial benefits of moving in while you’re still considered independent, our sense of urgency kicked into high gear. What if Dad fell tomorrow and couldn’t get around on his own? What if Mom fell or had a breakdown and couldn’t take care of him? What if they could no longer navigate stairs? A mild panic began to settle over us.
By the time we had seen the theater, fitness center, pool, library, art classrooms, and restaurants and toured the only available two-bedroom corner apartment facing the forest, we were resolved to plead the case to our mom that very day.
She was pleasantly surprised when I called from the Greenspring parking lot and breezily told her we all wanted to come visit them.
We guiltily slunk in and made nervous small talk before I braced myself and said, “So, we just toured Greenspring.” Her face dropped as she let out a bitter laugh and flatly declared, “I’m not moving to Greenspring.”
Quiet. Dad looked helplessly from us to her.
“Can you just let us describe it to you?”
Silence.
As we dove into details about all the wonderful amenities of Greenspring, she remained unimpressed and offended by our proposal.
Time to take out the big guns. We laid out the benefits of getting in there while you’re independent and how you could avoid a financial crisis with the plans they have in place if you get in while you’re still considered independent.
A crack in the façade. Time for the final blow.
“Dad needs to socialize. He’s aging faster by being stuck in this house with nothing to do but follow you around. He’s a social guy…” All of this is true, but I felt kind of guilty using it as a weapon.
Within an hour, she was onboard. She began to imagine a life where she wouldn’t be in a constant state of worry that my dad would fall down the stairs, wouldn’t have to take out the trash or worry about a tree falling on the house in a storm or a leaky faucet, would feel free to leave for more than a half hour without Dad.
Part of my mom’s reluctance to move to a community like Greenspring stems from her fear of people knocking on her door and trying to get her to join clubs, social events, etc., but by the end of the conversation, she hesitantly suggested, “Maybe I can take one of those art classes. I’ll be able to leave your dad alone because of the…”
“Pull cord in every room?” I filled in. She smiled guiltily and nodded.
Now we’re on a fast track to get them moved in and to put the house on the market. Moving day is next Thursday. Whiplash, anyone?
My Corner of the Village 